Monday, July 24, 2006

Ronnie Clay: More Prophit (sic) Then (sic) Critic

So, I was checking out some user reviews for the "V For Vendetta" DVD on Amazon yesterday and a particularly goofy one from a fella by the name of Ronnie Clay from Louisiana caught my eye. I went on to look at all the guy's reviews. They turned out to be a treasure trove of laughs. The cream of the crop follows:

*Note: The full, brain-melting list can be found HERE.

He Comes Next ~ Ian Kerner


WOMEN COMES LAST!!, July 6, 2006
Men should be the one to come first in the bedroom cause males know how to comprimise instead of being bossing cause women always need to have it their way when will they learn to work together then they wouldn't be complaining about bad sex!

Monty's Party Picante Sauce - XXX Ignorant Hot Gourmet Salsa

I was disappointed with what I found, July 4, 2006
The only reason I click on this Monty Party Picante Sauce cause I saw the three XXX's on the cover and I was thinking it had something to do with porn, but all it repersents is this sauce is very hot it will burn you into tomorrow. It clams that it's flamble like it can start a fire PLEASE. WHY WOULD THEY MAKE SUCH DANGEROUS STUFF IN THE FIRST PLACE.

All for You ~ Janet Jackson

WOOO Janet Jackson is really horney!, June 30, 2006
Some of her songs are really talking about getting down and dirty. In the song "Would You Mind" is her really coming out of her shell. When I was hearing her saying all the things she wants to do to a man like touching, teasing, holding, kissing, and especially licking and man that made me have a hard-on. Another so is her saying a man having his hands up her thies I mean Janet really knows how to use sex for sell. I love the song "China Love" and "All for You" which is really a dance song.

What's Left of Me ~ Nick Lachey

In your face Jessica Simpson, June 16, 2006
Nick Lachey is better then his ex-wife now cause his solo ablum sounds so amazing. It i sad to see that it's takes a break up in order for him to make his own cd cause if they were still married Nick wouldn't have this big success. This whole ablum is singing about him being heart broken over his loss I know he can get over her cause Jessica Simpson is not everything, she's a LOSER. Especially now cause she's not doing a cd.

Tang Orange Drink Mix, Makes 20 Quarts, 71 oz

Almost better the Kool Aid, June 8, 2006
I hadden had tang in a long time. And to me it still taste good. I wonder if they will ever come up with different flavors for tang instead of just orange cause I know it's been out for a long while.

Gatorade Fierce-Grape Thirst Quencher, 32 fl oz

I love this s**t, May 27, 2006
Gatorade is just as good as water cause it won't give you bad kidneys if you drink too much of it and also you won't have to go to the bathroom so quick. Who ever says Gatorade is salty is on crack.

Playboy - Hungarian Ed

WOO BABY!, May 1, 2006
I love looking at these naked women inside this magazine. Women from the country Hungary are way more sexier then the American

Thundercats - Season Two, Vol. 1 DVD ~ Katsuhito Akiyama

I love Thundercats, April 14, 2006
The second season on DVD well at least part of it. Why can't they just put the whole season in one box set. It can still be 6 disc just put more episodes on each disc. Lion-O is the leader of the group and he can fight by using his sword.

Fiber Choice Fiber Supplement, Sugar Free Assorted Fruit, Chewable Tablets 90 tablets

Who cares about taking pills, March 26, 2006
On the cover of this medicine they have pictures of fruits to make it seem like it flavorable which it will really taste like crap. Not to mention they take all your money cause this cost too high. Only weak sissy's take pills I'm a strong macho man who is never sick. I never have fiber.

The Godfather (PS2)

The game is better then the movies, March 25, 2006
Before Marlon Brando died (which I'm glad he did) recorded all of his dialogues to reprise his character, Don Corleone.

While some actors from the film have reprise their so call famous roles for the video game adaptation, Al Pacino flat out refused to reprise his famous Michael Character (which I don't blame him).

I love this game like I love intimidating hot women.

Live in Dallas, Texas DVD ~ Superjoint Ritual

When will a concert be live in Winnsboro, March 23, 2006
I'm jealous cause all the music concerts always be live in big cities like Dallas Texas. No concert ever come's to small towns like mine which is called Winnsboro. It's just boring.

Pornography - The Secret History of Civilisation DVD ~ Kate Williams (III)

It's important ot know your porn history, March 21, 2006
This is a serious, non-titillating history of pornography, from the earliest days of erotic art right up to the present days of mulitmedia.

Debbie Does Dallas Uncovered DVD ~ Debbie Does Dallas-Uncovered

Location, Location Location, March 21, 2006
I'v been to Dallas,Texas five times, its a beautiful city unlike my small crappy town Winnsboro.

Brokeback Mountain (Widescreen Edition) DVD ~ Heath Ledger

I HATE FAGS, February 19, 2006
I discriminate against gay men I think it's disgusting to see. Thats why I hate this movie cause it has gay cowboys how sicken. How can people love this movie. And give it these Oscars winnings.

Iraq Flag Polyester 3 ft. x 5 ft.

Support Iraq, December 26, 2005
I feel bad for Iraq cause America invaid that country. I love the Iraqi flag cause Saddam is the man.

Rayon Japan miniature flag (4 in. x 6 in. / 10 in. staff)

What a great flag, December 26, 2005
I love this flag to represent Japan cause it is a good country that make's anime. They are kind of weird cause I don't know what the red dot in the middle stands for.

Apple 20 GB iPod M9282LL/A

this new technology is too complicated for me, December 8, 2005
this device is something that can download music up to 5,000 songs and it plays cds it also runs on windows xp. I hate this stuff

A Little More Personal (Raw) ~ Lindsay Lohan

If Lindsay Lohan took a big S**T on the ground I would eat it, December 8, 2005
This is her second ablum. The video for the single was filmed on 26th Street in New York, in which store windows were remodeled to depict scenes from Lohan's childhood. The video was release October 26, 2005.

The 40-Year-Old Virgin (Unrated Full Screen Edition) DVD ~ Judd Apatow

It's all the women's fault for this man being a virgin at 40 cause their all selfcentered prudes, December 8, 2005
I enjoyed parts of the movie for the unique Hollywood depiction of a man's choice to remain a virgin in a society where sex is pervasive. One moment I found to be revealing about modern life is when Andy and Trish get married.

She's Out of Control DVD ~ Stan Dragoti

don't watch this, December 1, 2005
Someone needs to put her back in control and that's a man's job so I'm counting on Tony Danza.

Hush Puppies Men's California Clog Slipper

I hear them all day, December 1, 2005
At night when it's cold I have to put these on my feet to keep them warm. I can't believe these where made in California where it's hot at. I wear these house shoes so much around the house I sometimes forget that I have them on.

Fresh Spanish Onions, 1 lbs

Stephen Garcia must have really doo doo skunky breath, November 19, 2005
I hate all kinds of onions I don't want to have stank breath. The taste of those vegtables don't even taste right. I wish God never made onions.

He-Man & She-Ra - A Christmas Special DVD

Even She-Ra celebrates christmas with He-Man, November 4, 2005
At least something of She-Ra is out on dvd. I will love the christmas special when it comes out December 6. I think both her and He-Man make a cute couple.

Forrest Gump DVD

He's as dumb as a doorknobe but we love him, October 22, 2005
Tom Hank's plays the stupid Forrest Gump who somehow went to college played football how he made the team the football coach saw Forrest running on the field. Their team became champion's and went to the white house to meat JFC. Forrest drank too much drinks and had to go pee. Forrest got his degree then went to the army he fought in Vietnam and earn the highest metal the army can give you (The Congressional Medal of Arnor) then Forrest pulled his pants down.

Why Do Men Have Nipples? Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini by Mark Leyner

If men read this book they must be gay, October 8, 2005
Who cares about men having nipples is Mark Leyner way of being funny. Their are questions about things that people wonder everyday. How do people have sex in wheel chairs, why does sweat stink, can contact lens slip inside a person's head. Does pee stop a jelleyfish sting which it doesn't the book says vinguar.

Taco Bell Taco Dinner, 10.75 oz

Buy Taco Bell at grocery stores, September 3, 2005
I always buy this kind at the grocery store. It has the two pack of taco sauce inside. It also has enough shells to use which is 12 shells. My parents love to break their shells and make theirs into a salad with the meat and cheese and other but not me. I love keeping like it is and stuffing the meat salad and cheese inside. To me it just wouldn't be like real taco if the shell didn't stay the way it is plus it's dis-respect to the country Mexico, destroying their tradition.

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the best in the world, August 28, 2005
I love using these oxy pads it makes my face cleaner smoother. I have no dirt on my face what-so-ever. I never have to use a bar of soap ever again.

Holmes HAOF-90UC 10-Inch 3-Speed Blizzard Table Fan

small things comes in large package, August 20, 2005
This fan maybe little but it works well everytime I go outside to sit on the poarch cause it's so hot out their I plug it in and have it right up on me. When I get a desk job of any office I'm going have this same fan sitting their.

Epson Stylus C86 Inkjet Printer

photo ablums of the future, August 15, 2005
When I take pictures sometimes I love to put print them and it comes out crystal clear, the picture be so big it takes up the whole paper. It makes it seem like real people are traped inside paper. Too bad color printers come seperate with computers.

The Moment ~ Kenny G.

This cd rocks the house, August 14, 2005
I like this cd it only has one song wear somebody sings the rest are just music tones. It is a good way to get in a sad mood or happy mood. Jazz is great music.

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You hear that ladies "Just for Men" keep your stinkin paw's off, August 4, 2005
This stuff is great on my hair. I call it the super shampoo. My hair hasn't gone gray since two weeks ago. I look younger.

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Mr. Head & Shoulders, July 31, 2005
This shampoo changes the way I appear life. I have nothing to be ashamed about my hair anymore. It gets big huge flakes that makes your hair grow back faster, it keeps it away for about a week. As far as getting all of the dandruff out well it doesn't. It may not be perfect but it's the best I can fine. I hides this in my dresser from my sister.

Aquafina Spring Water, 50.7 fl oz

water sucks, July 27, 2005
I could care less about drinking spring water it has no good flavor taste to it. It only slows me down when I'm playing sports outside. To try a real drink I perfer BEER

Lolita, Vol. 4 by Belor

art, June 21, 2005
This book made me want to pay more attention to art. I love the full naked woman with tattos on the cover of this book.

Super Size Me DVD ~ Dr. Daryl Isaacs

No More Junk Food. Hit the Jim., June 21, 2005
This documentary should have never gotten anywere near an oscar nomination. "Fahrenheit 9/11" was robed. All this documentary is about some guy who loves eating burgers and fries at fast food resturants what the point in that, how can people love this. America is the fattest country enough as it is and this dvd is a bad influnce.

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