Over a month away, huh? Well, how 'bout a good one to get things rolling around here again?
Over the last month and a half there have been several cases of Right-wing Republican-types bursting out of the closet in the most unintentional and hilarious ways. This sent what had been about a once-a-month trend skyward, forcing Republicans everywhere to pour on the hetero and dig even deeper into their roster of tough-guy/daddy-save-us types. Hell, just look at the ever-manlier--and apparently great-smelling--Fred Thompson, who's running for the GOP presidential nomination.
A brief recap of the most recent GOP sexual oopsies: Well, there was that Senator from Idaho getting busted for cruising an airport bathroom. Pure comedy. And who could forget the Florida campaign chairman who's fear of black men sent him into a public toilet in search of carnal knowledge of... a black man? There was also a more tragic outcome to a couple of these transgressions. A high-level state Republican staffer with very close ties to K-Street criminal, Jack Abrhamoff, was murdered in a gay love triangle gone bad in--ahem-- Orlando. And just this weekend a Republican prosecutor from--where else?-- Florida committed suicide after being brought up on charges for trying to rent a 5-year-old girl for certain acts from an undercover federal agent over the internet. So, that last one aint exactly closeted homosexual activity, but it fits the theme of Republican repression and hypocrisy so well, it deserves to hop on for the ride.
So, of course this all leads up to today's item in the booming news beat I'll coin, "Right Wing Moral Hypocrisy on Parade".
Moralist, bible thumping, GOP advocate, Baptist minister, Michael Aldridge was found dead in his Alabama home this weekend. The official cause of death? An errant auto erotic undertaking. Now, normally, that would only get a mild chuckle, partially from the unintentional suicide part (death by jerking off is always a funny item) and partially at the mild hypocrisy of the situation. Buuut, as his bad luck would have it, that's only the first layer of this tasty taco.
Ya see... um. Well, the thing is... Ah, hell. Why not just read the police report provided by The Smoking Gun?
Go ahead. Read it again.
That's right. Not one, but two scuba suits. And he apparently hog-tied himself. And there was a condom'd dildo hanging out of his butt. Wow. How far gone do you need to be to where one rubber wet-suit just doesn't cut it for you anymore? Jeeesh.
Anyhoo, the always rollicking Sadly No! has more on the story and a lively free-for-all in the comments section. Go have a look!
Damn, it's good to be back.